That loving feeling…If you are in a relationship, how alive is it between you? Isn’t this what makes a relationship so pleasant and rewarding? As well as enduring? How precious that loving feeling is, and how it needs to be nurtured for it to stay alive!

When I look around, I see so many men and women living in mechanical relationships, largely devoid of fun, warmth, and sometimes even respect. Without fun, warmth and respect in your relationship, what are you living?

So in this newsletter I will share some hints from my upcoming relationship courses for men (How to Understand Women) and for women (How to Understand Men). Men are having a tough time of it since Women’s Lib and all that. Women have become much more assertive and independent, which is not the problem – the problem is that women have lost something along the way. I strongly feel that it is time for men to start feeling good about themselves again, and for women to start balancing their quest for independence and equality with some genuine new-fashioned appreciation of men.

For instance, let’s take Respect: it is made of Acceptance and Tolerance. Acceptance and Tolerance helps partners to accommodate the differences that might at times be annoying. The following notes are mainly addressed to women, keeping in mind, however, that men are perfectly capable of behaving the same way…

People are attracted together because of the differences, but some of these differences have the potential of creating intense irritation. That is where a positive solution is essential – when the ego tries to convince us women that the only thing to do now is to criticise him, put him down, let him know to the core of his heart how much you detest his behaviour, which to him might be merely an expression of his individuality.

Scenario: Jim and Jill are dressing to go out for dinner with friends. He shyly takes out a favourite shirt he hasn’t dared to wear since they started living together, because he knows she doesn’t like it. (It has Marilyn Monroe’s skirt billowing all over it)

Jill: Jim, you’re not going to wear that thing, are you? You know how I detest that shirt! Take it off! I’m not going to go out with you if you wear that!

Jill might not realise it, but in that one minute of bullying, she put Jim down, commanded him to do something he didn’t want to do and threatened him.

Jim is now making up his mind if he is going to stand up for himself or defer to her. If he defers, he argues with himself, he will give up some of his identity. This shirt, he tells himself, is symbolic of his identity, which is on now the block.

However, it is also possible for our Jim to realise that hey, it’s just a matter of a shirt, not of his entire identity, since he has plenty of opportunity to express that in other ways. Jim smiles at his lover and partner. “Boy, you know how to make your opinions known!” he grins, and puts on an elegant, classy shirt that actually suits him very well. And just because of his gentle willingness to humour Jill, she bites her lips, realising that she has gone over the line a bit here and must watch this in herself. With respect for Jim she could have expressed her opinion just as an opinion, not as a demand with a threat.

And so a situation was diffused, but how often do mole-hills get turned into mountains? What private wars are created over toothpaste, burping, snoring, toilet seats and toilet paper? A Sense of Humour is another of those immensely valuable  assets in a relationship. Respect, that is, acceptance and tolerance, is a starting point, a middle point and an end-point. We can never do without it and not suffer degradation of quality.

Important notices:

• The courses How to Understand Women, and How to Appreciate Men, are due to begin in the last quarter of 2010.

May you thrive on love, on acceptance, tolerance, a sense of humour and Respect!

Filed under: Relationships, Uncategorized on June 23rd, 2010 | No Comments »

Here is one photo which expanded the feeling of joy, innocence and purpose for me. It was taken by my friend, Jenny, who lives from her heart. What does it do for you?

Filed under: Uncategorized on January 19th, 2010 | No Comments »

Removing ghosts from houses is now one of my services. this can make a big difference to the way your house feels! Other people can leave energy behind in a house and of course others who have lived before in this house or on the land the house has been built, can believe it is still their spot or their home, and resent the newcomers. As well as this, negative entities can be attracted to a house which had occupants who unconsciously attracted them with their thinking or activities. Through Theta Healing, negative energies leave and other, positive energies can be invited in. To have your house cleared, cleaned and brightened up, arrange a session with Carla! www.carlavanraay.com under Energy Cleansing.

Filed under: Removing Negative Entities on October 17th, 2009 | No Comments »

Last night, the Western Australia Sexology Society (I am a member) invited me to be “a living book” – a popular exercise. We get into a circle, and the ‘book’ speaks, then answers questions. This is the scene for some very frank disclosures! We’re all vitally interested in healthy sexuality and healthy relationships, and want to learn from each other. The best question for the evening was  “Carla, what you do you think is THE most important thing to remember if you want a great relationship? “The answer came right off my tongue because I had given this a lot of thought recently and had started to practice in earnest. It’s to remember what you LIKE about your partner, and take the trouble to TELL him or her, at least once a day, from your heart.

Filed under: Relationships on October 15th, 2009 | 4 Comments »